it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
