in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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