I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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