At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize