dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
