This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
