guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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