just tell him i said nine months
You can't special order awesome
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
