My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
