Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
