he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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