my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
