So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
