i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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