we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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