im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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