wakey wakey hands off snakey
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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