I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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