She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
