Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
