Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
