Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
