hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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