That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
In America we eat man semen.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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