And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
