: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize