please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
