i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
