I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
