My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
