Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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