Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
