I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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