You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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