in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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