You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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