this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
