i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
