take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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