Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
