so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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