i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have tasted many bathrooms
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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