So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
