I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
