It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
