they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
