I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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