I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
