I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
