respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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