I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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