Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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