Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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