Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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