He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
