I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
