I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He literally asked permission to hit on me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize