Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
