what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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