when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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