Soap is not a condiment
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
