i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
