Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
