I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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