i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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